I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
