where am i from again
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize