How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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