You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
