Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
