batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
