Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
