Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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