I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
