She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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