we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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