The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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