I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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