so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
