You're so nebulous sometimes
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
