we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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