shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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