but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
