just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
