No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
