STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize