i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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