are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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