I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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