Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
