Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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