he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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