sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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