On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
