evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
