i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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