Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize