If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
