Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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