So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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