I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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