is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This house was built for laser tag.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
