everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
whose parrot is this?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
