Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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