Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
