He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
