I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
