You really coming over, don't trick.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
