dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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