walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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