I have demons in me.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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