In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
