I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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