omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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