i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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