Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
