I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
