this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
