We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
