Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
