did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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