This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had to cum in my sink.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
