Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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