dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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