i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
