There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
