He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
