dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
