Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
