So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
