his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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