omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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