A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize